Why Finding Your Values Matters More Than Setting New Year’s Resolutions
Image credit - Thirdman, pexels. Image shows a dark haired woman dressed for winter sitting on a bench in a snowy woodland.
Every January, the world hums with the same energy of a fresh start.
People buy new planners, start gym memberships, promise to quit sugar or get up at 5 a.m. We call it motivation, but for many, it’s mixed with guilt, pressure, and a quiet voice that whispers, “This year, maybe I’ll finally get it right.”
And yet, by February, most resolutions fade. Not because people are lazy or uncommitted, but because resolutions often come from the head, not the heart.
They’re based on who we think we should be, not on who we really are.
The Resolution Trap
Resolutions sound empowering , “I’m going to change my life!” But they often grow from self-criticism or comparing ourselves to others.
They are often based on the idea that you’re not good enough as you are.
Lose weight. Be more disciplined. Work harder. Do better.
This mindset can push us into cycles of striving and shame.
When we “fail,” we feel even worse.
When we “succeed,” it often doesn’t bring the fulfillment we hoped for, there will always be another goal waiting on the horizon.
Willpower alone can’t create deep change. Because lasting change doesn’t come from fixing yourself - because you aren’t broken.
It comes from knowing yourself.
Why Values Are a Better Compass
Instead of asking, “What should I do differently this year?”
Ask, “What truly matters to me?”
That’s the heart of values-based living, building a life guided by what you care about most, rather than what the world says you should chase.
Values are not goals; they’re directions.
A goal says, “I want to run a marathon.”
A value says, “I want to care for my body and feel strong.”
The first ends when you cross the finish line.
The second can guide you for a lifetime.
When you live by your values, your actions start to align naturally with who you are. You make choices that feel meaningful. Not because you’re forcing yourself to, but because they fit.
How Values Lead to Purpose
Your purpose grows out of your values.
Purpose isn’t a single grand mission, it’s the thread that weaves meaning through your daily life.
If your values include connection, creativity, and compassion, your purpose might look like:
Building supportive relationships
Expressing yourself through art or storytelling
Helping others feel seen and cared for
It’s not about the job title or the big achievement, it’s about the why behind how you live and give.
When you reconnect with purpose, motivation feels different.
You’re no longer chasing outcomes — you’re living in alignment.
There’s less pressure to “get it right,” and more curiosity about what feels authentic.
Why Resolutions Fail — and Values Sustain
Resolutions are rooted in the idea that there’s something that needs fixing, usually motivated by comparing yourself to others or guilt that you need to be better.
The all or nothing approach of doing something everyday usually falls apart when life gets in the way (it always will) leading to more guilt and feelings of ‘not good enough’.
Resolutions focus on outcomes, which often come with emotional expectations. “If I can achieve this I’ll be happy”.
Values based living is rooted in knowing yourself. You’re not reaching towards some far away goal, everyday is a new opportunity to live in alignment with what’s important to you. The focus is on direction and intention which makes it more sustainable than achieving something. Even when things don’t go the way you intended, you can still live by your values
When life gets stressful resolutions tend to collapse. Values, on the other hand, can adapt. They help you stay anchored, even when the external structure falls apart.
How to Begin Finding Your Values
You don’t have to have everything figured out. Finding your values is a process of gentle self-discovery.
Here are a few reflective ways to begin:
1. Notice what feels meaningful
Think about times you’ve felt deeply alive, at peace, or proud of how you showed up.
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
What qualities were you expressing?
Those moments hold clues to your values.
2. Identify what breaks your heart
Sometimes your values reveal themselves through pain.
If injustice, loneliness, or disconnection move you deeply, that’s a sign of what matters most to you.
Your purpose often lives where compassion meets heartbreak.
3. Reflect on your “why”
Ask yourself:
Why do I want the things I say I want?
What deeper need are they trying to meet?
For example, wanting to “get fit” might really be about wanting vitality, confidence, or freedom.
4. Choose your top 3–5 core values
Look for themes, maybe growth, kindness, creativity, freedom, or honesty.
Write them down. Let them feel like companions, not commandments.
5. Align small daily actions
Once you’ve named your values, ask each day;
“How can I live one of these values, even in a small way, right now?”
It could be calling a friend (connection), taking a mindful walk (presence), or setting a gentle boundary (self-respect).
Small, values-aligned actions repeated over time create a life that feels meaningful and true.
Purpose Is a Feeling, Not a Formula
Many people chase “purpose” as if it’s a single, fixed answer, but in reality, it’s fluid.
Your purpose evolves as you do. What matters deeply at 25 might shift at 45.
And that’s okay.
You’re not meant to have one unchanging definition of meaning, you’re meant to live in relationship with it.
When you live with awareness of your values, purpose stops being something to find and becomes something you feel.
You wake up knowing, “I may not control what happens today, but I can still live with integrity, kindness, and courage.”
That’s what makes values-based living so powerful: it brings you home to yourself, again and again.
Coming Home to What Truly Matters
The next time you feel pressure to set resolutions or reinvent yourself, pause.
Breathe.
Ask: What really matters to me this year? What do I want to nurture, not fix?
Maybe this year isn’t about changing who you are.
Maybe it’s about remembering who you’ve always been.
At LiveWorkBreathe.com, I help people reconnect with their inner compass through coaching and mindfulness.
If you’re ready to explore your values and create meaningful change from the inside out, you’re welcome to book a free call with me.
No resolutions. No pressure. Just a return to what truly matters.